CPR 5-1-2012 TENSION MOUNTS AS ELECTION RESULTS TRICKLE IN

Watching the election returns has been harrowing for Catsby. Although he professes to have no favorites, when the networks projected Gracie as the winner due to Virginia having voted for her twice, he paced back and forth, drawing Darnell's attention, fretting aloud.  " I can't believe I will be stuck with Gracie as my Empress" he grumbled to Darnell.  "Oooh" Darnell teased, "Maybe you'd like to have that cute little Elsie the Scottish Fold! At least you wouldn't have to pin back her ears!" Well, Darnell hit a sore spot.  Apparently Catsby really likes Elsie, and he was hoping she'd win.  "I'll pin your ears back, Darnell!" Catsby cried. (Photo 1). He grabbed Darnell and was prepared to pound-it-tate him (Photo 2) until Darnell said, "Relax Catsby.  Life is too short.  Let's take time to smell the lilacs." So Catsby and Darnell repaired to the foyer, where after smelling the lilacs, they proceed to knock over and bust the foyer lamp.

Some of you still have not voted. Why are you tormenting Catsby so? Vote now.  Hint: (he's got a thing for Elsie)

SPONSORED BY LILACS FIRST, LAMPS SECOND, A PET BOUTIQUE AND BASHERY

 CPR 4-30-2012  RETRO MONDAY ON RETRO MONDAY LIBBY PANDERS FOR VOTES

CPR 4-30-2012 RETRO MONDAY ON RETRO MONDAY--LIBBY PANDERS FOR VOTES

The Empress Election now begins its second week, at least, and still there are readers out there who have not yet voted.  In an attempt to reach out to these voters, Libby the Cat has paid, er I mean, asked the CPR to run her All Time Cute Kitten Photo (Photo 1) and also paid, I mean, also asked that we run the photo of her cuddling with a young cute Lady Emma, on the theory that these photos show her cuddly side.  "Sure" says Libby " I may have my occasional issues with Pharoah, and when I am in an ornery mood, with certain other cats in this household, but I would be a faithful consort to Catsby, and I would see to it that his Empire includes my home country of Weepy Eyelandia, which would accept my rule in the event of his unfortunate and untimely demise."  Now of course the CPR itself remains above the fray, and endorses no particular candidate for Empress,at this point, although money does talk, sometimes, and what it says is, hey, here's a lot of me, make me Empress, Fourth Estate. So it is a bit of a reach, coming up with a third retro cuddly cute photo of Libby, so we are running as the third photo what Libby claims is a photo of her during her "red head" period, when she went by the name of Charlie and was universally adored for her adorableness.

CPR 4-29-2012 VOTING CONTINUES EVEN AS EMPRESS  ELECTION NEARS END

More votes were received over the weekend and the latest results show the Blue Bow Tied Bunny in the lead for Empress, having 2 votes.  Other candidates receiving votes were Libby, and Carly and Sylvette, the Munchkins.  These results have angered some of the candidates. In particular, Gracie vociferously denounced the voters, decrying the bias against beauty that seems to be manifest in the early voting. (Photos 1 and 2)  "Oh why must I be punished for being beautiful" Gracie bellowed. " Personality is so overrated!"  Lady Emma, for her part, decided to mock the whole electoral process and the whole need for Catsby to have an Empress.  "Look at me, look at me" chanted Lady in sing song mockery "I  have a tiara made out of lilacs.  Maybe I should be your Empress, Catsby!" (Photo 3).

Notwithstanding this mockery, readers are reminded that Lady Emma is not a candidate for Empress, however good she looks in lilac.  Readers are also reminded that someday the voting will actually end, so if  you haven't already voted, vote now, and if you have already voted, vote again.  Just as there is no such thing as a conflict of interest in the Pet World, so is there no such thing as "one pet, one vote". For that matter, according to Jay Catsby, deceased and disappeared pets are also eligible to vote, and he, Jay Catsby, holds their proxy in his power mad paws, so he may have the final say over who wins the election.  Of course, there is no true finality to any Pet election result, as there is always the threat of litigation, and the likelihood of a recount, and the appointment of a commission to investigate irregularities.
And as always, the CPR will be there to bring you all the bitterness, the sour grapes, and false accusations, because frankly, that's what sells newspapers.  That and sex.  And lilacs.

SPONSORED BY THE LEAGUE OF BITTER FELINE BEAUTY.  I AM GRACIE THE CAT, AND I AM HATED FOR MY BEAUTY.

CPR 4-28-2012 RETRO MONDAY ON SATURDAY, LIBBY THE CAT WANTS YOUR VOTE

As many precincts have yet to report on the  Empress Election, there is a thought in Libby the Cat Campaign Headquarters that some voters might be influenced by the publication of some retro photos of Libby the Cat letting her fur down.  So attached are three such photos.

I'm Libby the Cat, and I approved this Calistro Pet Report

CPR 4-27-2012 STUFFED BUNNIES PROTEST EXCLUSION FROM EMPRESS BALLOT

The early results of the Empress Primary are in, and it is shaping up to be a close race, with votes having been received by Libby the Cat, and the Munchkins, Carly and Sylvette.  But there has been rioting on Paddock Avenue, as the stuffed bunnies pictured in the attached photos initially attempted to stage a peaceful protest against their exclusion from the ballot, but when they learned the transgendered Blue Bow Tied Bunny was not only included on the ballot, but a prominent human was politicking her on his/her behalf, they took to the street and began setting fire to cat poop wrapped in newspapers and ringing doorbells and then running away.  This is a scene that becomes uglier, or at least less pretty, by the hour.  To appease the stuffed animals, we would like our readers to know that the stuffed bunnies are now on the ballot for Empress.  They are, from left to right, in Photo 1, Bebe Bunny, Babbette Bunny, and Bambi Bunny.  Vote for your favorite, and make Paddock Avenue safe again for answering a doorbell.

CPR  4-26-2012 EMPRESS PRIMARY NIGHT

In keeping with the nonsensical tradition of rigged pet elections at 540 Paddock, tonight is Empress Primary Day.  Our readership is invited to vote for their favorite candidate to serve as Catsby's Empress. These are the candidates:

1) Gracie (See photo) 2. Daisy (See photo); 3. Libby (see photo).  4. Dots the Havana Brown 5. Elsie the Scottish Fold 6. Abby the Abyssinian 7. Carly the Munchkin;  8. Sylvette the Munchkin; 9. Tonya the Toyger; 10. Commandant Lilly of East Granby;  11. Blue Bow Tied Bunny.

Vote early and often.  Drive fast and take a lot of chances on your way to the Polls. 

SPONSORED BY THE LEAGUE OF FELINE VOTERS.  MAKING THE WORLD SAFE FOR DEMOCRCATCY ONE RIGGED PET ELECTION AT A TIME.