The CPR received an angry news release today from a cat named George (Photo 1)who claimed to be the publicist for Max the Pug.
"To the CPR, the Acknowledged Leader in Worldwide Pet Media" began the release. "On behalf of the Savejs' dog, Max the Pug, I, George the Cat, 'Pug-licist' for Max, demand a retraction of the suggestion that appeared in yesterday's CPR that Max was in some way unable to eat an Avanti meatball due to Lady Emma's rejection of Max's dinner date invitation. Max wants the world, and especially, his household, to know that at all times he is ready, willing, and able to eat an Avanti Meatball, and any suggestion that he cannot eat such a meatball alone, even on the heels (or paws) of a romantic rejection, is categorically rejected. As Max's Pug Publicist (or Pug-licist, supra) I know how to "cat"-egorically state things, and I have photographic evidence (Photo 2) of Max roaming under the dinner table for stray meatballs. Further, I have had another pet in the Savejs household, Scoop the Cat (photo3), whose butt was recently shaved (thank God I am not his publicist; try keeping a butt shaving out of the pet tabloids) sign an affidavit indicating he personally viewed Max, after being informed of Lady's regrets, begging at the table for a meatball. On behalf of Max the Pug, I am demanding that the CPR print a retraction of its outrageous claim that Max was unable and/or unwilling to eat an Avanti meatball."
We're sorry Max, but the editiorial staff of the CPR stands by our reporting. We saw what we saw. Max was clearly begging for cannolli, not for meatballs, and as the Worldwide Leader in Pet Journalism, we cannot compromise our standards for the sake of a few meatballs.
SPONSORED BY MOSSICATO DI PASQUALE cannollis, the Cannollis that can nearly cure a broken Pug Heart.
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