CPR 2-22-2012 RETRO MONDAY ON ASH WEDNESDAY.  A LENTEN BLAST FROM THE DISTANT PAST!

Tonight's Retro Edition of Retro Monday on Wednesday features the First Pets, the Adam and Eve of the Calistro Household Pets, except that they weren't named Adam and Eve, they were named Wally and the Beaver.  Of course, many of you remember from the Daisy the Cat Profile in Fur-rage how the avuncular Wally counseled the young and pretty Daisy to become a ski cap model. But both Beaver and Wally were intimately involved in the life of the family before there were other pets;  in fact, even before there were even children in the family.  The story goes that before your reporter and the Fair Kathleen decided to have children, they wanted to see if they were capable of taking care of living things.  So they started with a house plant, which died when they failed to water it.  So they got another house plant, which this time they watered, and it lived. After months of success with the house plant, in the fall of 1986, your reporter and the fair Kathleen got a pair of cute kittens.  After they got the kittens, they gave them water every day, and cat food.  And the kittens lived.  So the next step was to throw a Naming Party.  Now at the Naming Party your reporter made a huge mistake.  He had Wally the Cat do Stand up Cat Comedy, and Wally bombed. Wally was never as funny after that party as he was before, and for that your reporter blamed himself. Wally was just not ready to do Stand Up, even before a friendly crowd.  Well, Wally and the Beaver turned out to be great cats anyway, and they were very long lived, and your Reporter and the Fair Kathleen learned many valuable lessons about taking care of living creatures, which they put into practice when Dominic and Virginia were born.  Your Reporter made sure both Dominic and Virginia got plenty of water, and he did not compel either of them to do stand up comedy at house parties.   Both Beaver and Wally made the trip to 540 Paddock Avenue,  and they were treasured felines well into the nineties, until one day Beaver just disappeared, and never came home.  Wally missed his brother, but he did stay on to advise Goliath and Daisy, when they arrived at 540 as kittens, and so the circle of indoor/outdoor life continues to this day, with pets going in, meowing to be let out, and meowing to be let in, and meowing to be let out so they can stay overnight with the single lady across the street.  Pharoah I'm talking about you.

SPONSORED BY RETRO MONDAY'S AT THE PET DOOR CAT COMEDY CLUB IN THE EAST VILLAGE.  TWO DRINK MINIMUM.SH WEDNESDAY. A RETRO LENTEN BLAST FROM THE DISTANT PAST!

CPR 2-21-2012 LIBBY GOES ON EXERCISE KICK

Perhaps inspired by Daisy the Cat's admonition to the pets to "look good, feel good" like Daisy the Cat (see CPR 2-19-2012), Libby decided to lose some weight by going on an exercise regimen that en"tailed" climbing up and over Lady Emma's Head Pet bulk, several times.  (Photos 1,2 and 3).  The effort left her exhausted (Photo 4), but put her in better physical shape for the rigors  of what was likely to be an arduous crossing of the Meriden-Weepy Eyelandia border to visit relatives.  Once a year, the felines in Weepy Eyelandia hold the "Feast of the Purple Scarf", which is a three day event during which there are giant tom sized platters of food (including LIbby's favorite, a  swish kabob of barbecued mice and robins, drenched in mole sauce) dancing (the dance of the Purple Scarf, of course) and Dean's List Celebrations. Of course, Lady claimed to be training Libby in these photographs, and that the whole success of the exercises depended upon her recumbency, which if she was obliged to nap in order to achieve, then that was a sacrifice she will willing to make for Libby.

SPONSORED BY THE SISTERHOOD OF THE FEAST OF THE PURPLE SCARF, a charitable organization dedicated to helping kittens impressed into labor by the Snow Bengalese build new lives in Meriden, Connecticut.

CPR 2-20-2012 PETS GO IN, PETS GO OUT--THE CIRCLE OF INDOOR/OUTDOOR LIFE

It's President's Day, and Lady as Head Pet declared a celebration in her honor.  Head Pet, says Lady, is the equivalent of being president.

So when Kathleen aired out the house, Gracie went out on the roof.  How she got off the roof is a mystery, but when she was next seen she was meowing to be let in the front door.  (Photos 1 and 2).  The other pets enjoyed the outdoors, and scoffed at the prediction on February 2nd of Puxahanty Phil, the Groundhog, that there would be six more weeks of winter.  Kathleen worked hard all day cleaning up fur, so it would appear some animals are prepared to shed their winter coats.  Of course, Lady's coat, as a Head Pet, is a North Face.

SPONSORED BY NORTH FACE.  YES, WE MAKE JACKETS FOR PETS TOO.

CPR 2-20-2012 PETS GO IN, PETS GO OUT, THE CIRCLE OF INDOOR/OUTDOOR LIFE

It's President's Day, and Lady as Head Pet declared a celebration in her honor.  Head Pet, says Lady, is the equivalent of being president.

So when Kathleen aired out the house, Gracie went out on the roof.  How she got off the roof is a mystery, but when she was next seen she was meowing to be let in the front door.  (Photos 1 and 2).  The other pets enjoyed the outdoors, and scoffed at the prediction on February 2nd of Puxahanty Phil, the Groundhog, that there would be six more weeks of winter.  Kathleen worked hard all day cleaning up fur, so it would appear some animals are prepared to shed their winter coats.  Of course, Lady's coat, as a Head Pet, is a North Face.

SPONSORED BY NORTH FACE.  YES, WE MAKE JACKETS FOR PETS TOO.

CPR 2-19-2012 DAISY THE CAT URGES FELLOW PETS TO UPDATE THEIR IMMUNIZATIONS

Long time subscribers to the CPR are aware of Daisy the Cat's international 
celebrity as a ski cap model, as well as her success as 
a Hair Chewing Salon Owner and Franchisor.(See CPR 10-18-2011 Profiles in 
Fur-rage, The Daisy the Cat Story) (This CPR will run as a bonus on the 
blog--calistropetreport.blogspot.com-- for those who missed it when it was first 
published).  Daisy claims to be only too familiar with the stresses and strains 
of celebrity, which she feels contributed to the tragic death of Whitney 
Houston.   Daisy says being hounded by the "pup-a-razzi" can not only lead to 
drug use and binge cat nipping, but to eating disorders.  Though Daisy isn't 
proud of it, she herself has an eating disorder,which she  struggles with to 
this day.  Daisy's particular disorder is that she cannot eat in front of the 
other cats-- she thinks they are staring at her, even though she knows they are 
in most cases only staring at her bowl of food in the hopes that she won't 
finish it all and they can scarf it down themselves. Daisy's disorder has forced 
your Reporter to feed her separately from the other pets, on the top step of the 
basement stairs, with the door closed so no one can see her. Because of her 
struggles to maintain her health, Daisy has become very conscious of the need 
for all the pets to keep their appointments at the East Side Veterinary Clinic 
so they can keep current on their immunizations.  Having lost her brother  
Goliath in the past year, she believes in early detection of pet illnesses and 
preventative care,.  She has volunteered her image for posters to be printed and 
hung at 540 Paddock Avenue.  The PR Team of Catsby and Pharoah are working on 
the poster copy, and have tentatively dubbed the campaign, "Feel Good and Look 
Good, like Daisy the Cat,. See your vet, and Darnell, time to get your balls cut 
off."  Daisy has given her approval to the first part of this message, but she 
feels the second part of the message might inhibit Darnell from going to see the 
veterinarian.  Hence, as with all Catsby and Pharoah Pet Public Relations 
campaigns, this effort remains a work, if not wreck,  in progress. 
 
SPONSORED BY EAST SIDE VETERINARY CLINIC.  FEEL GOOD, LOOK GOOD, LIKE DAISY THE 
CAT, AND DARNELL, TIME TO GET YOUR BALLS CUT OFF,. 

CPR 10-18-2011 PROFILES IN FURRAGE:  THE DAISY THE CAT STORY--MY VOYAGE OUT FROM UNDER THE BED

Move to:     Prev  |  Next  Our first subject in the Profiles in Furrage series is Daisy the Cat. Daisy was born in February 1997 in Winnie the Cat Lady's House on South Curtis Street, in Meriden. She came to 540 Paddock with another kitten from her litter in March of 1997. She was the tinier of the two kittens, and at first, since she was thought to be a boy, she was named David, because she was smaller than her brother, who got named Goliath. It should have been obvious from the start, because of her beauty, that she was a girl, but once it was determined she was a girl, her name got changed from David to Daisy. Daisy has always been supermodel thin, but she has had to combat shyness. When she arrived at 540 Paddock Avenue, a kindly avuncular cat, named Wally, took Daisy aside and counseled her. We'll let Daisy tell the story in her own words: CPR: Tell us about your early days at 540 Paddock Avenue. Daisy the Cat (DTC): When I got to Paddock Avenue, there were two fairly elderly cats living there already, Wally and the Beaver. Mr. Wally was so very kind to me. He said to me, Daisy, you are an exceptionally pretty little kitten, with very pretty ears, a cute nose,and the most remarkable gooseberry green eyes. If you stay thin, I bet you can be a cat model when you grow up! Unless you develop a weepy eye, or a cleft paw. So I took his advice to heart: I stayed thin, and I kept my paws from cleaving. And I became a world famous ski cap cat model! CPR: How did you get your break in ski cap cat modeling? DTC: Ironically enough, it started when my girl, Gina, took to sleeping with a ski cap on, to keep me from chewing her hair. Incidentally, I discovered that by chewing hair, you can achieve a very fashionable look, which led to my other career, that of Cat Chewing Salon owner and franchisor. We now have franchises in all 50 states and in Switzerland. CPR: Why Switzerland? DTC: It is a very fashionable country. Only fashionable people get married there, and when they get married there, they need a certain look. CPR: What kind of look? DTC: A look like their hair has been chewed by a cat. CPR: So you were saying how you got your break in ski cap cat modeling... DTC: One night, Gina's hat fell off, and I crawled inside of it to sleep. Well at that moment a Cat Modeling Talent Scout happened by, and and next thing you know, I'm doing a spread in the HARTZ MOUNTAIN catalog, and things took off from there. CPR: Some of the humans at 540 Paddock don't understand how you could have had this great modeling career when it seems to them you spend all your time hiding under a bed. DTC: I have to hide under the bed! The PUSS-A-RAZZI will not leave me alone! Anyway, the humans are never around during the day. I get on the train, do a shoot, and I am back before anyone even knows I am gone. CPR: Tell us about your charity, PETME. DTC: Pets for the Ethical Treatment of Moles and Edward. CPR: Who is Edward. DTC: He is a mole. Actually, was a mole. Pharoah bit his head off. But it was done ethically. CPR had to conclude the interview at this point, as the PUSS-A-RAZZI began chasing after Daisy, and cornered her in the bedroom, which has resulted in these photos. This Profile will be continued, contingent upon Daisy's schedule.

CPR 2-18-2012  PHAROAH'S SATURDAY NIGHT DATE

Being a venture cat capitalist, manufacturer, and promoter, can be fairly 
exhausting, especially when there are problems in the chain of supply, as often 
happens when your labor is comprised mainly of flaky and adoringly exploitable 
kittens.  So at least one night a week you need a night out, and Pharoah's night 
out happens to fall on a Saturday.  It turns out that Pharoah has a standing 
date with the single lady who lives across the street, who for the sake of 
discretion, we will refer to as "G". Pharoah's practice is to start grooming 
himself around 4:30, and he does a very thorough job, as you can see by the 
attached photos.  He usually starts on his chest, then moves on to his paws, and 
finally he cleans behind his ears.  Then he applies a splash of cat cologne, a 
Snow Bengalese brand, called "Cheat-eh".  Around 5:30 PM or so he stands by the 
door and starts meowing to be let out.  He then trots across the street (looking 
carefully both ways before crossing) and sits on "G's" doorstep until "G" lets 
him in.  What goes on inside G's house for the next fourteen hours no one knows 
(and Pharoah isn't talking) but the humans at 540 Paddock are usually alerted 
around 9:30 Sunday morning that "Pharoah is here".  When your reporter goes 
across the street (looking carefully both ways) to pick up Pharoah, he is 
usually greeted at the front door by a purring Pharoah being held by a slyly 
smiling "G".  Your reporter always politely states that he "hopes Pharoah was no 
trouble" and G usually responds, " Oh he's no trouble at all. He loves to sleep 
on my bed." That rascal. 
 
SPONSORED BY "CHEAT-EH": THE MASCULINE CAT COLOGNE FOR THE CAT WHO LIKES TO PLAY 
AROUND