CPR 10-17-2012 NATIONAL HEAD PET DEBATE RESUMES WITH BIRD MODERATOR

Hello, my name is Candy Crow-ly (Photo 1) and I am the moderator for tonight's 
Town Hall Style Debate between Barkbark Obama, Mutt Romney, and Lady Emma, which 
is being held on the campus of the Tails-U-Win Pet Obedience School in 
Manchester, CT.  The Leash of Feline Voters has commissioned an independent 
polling company,  Jay Catsby and Pharoah the Cat Independent Polling & Stick 
Retrieval, Inc. (Their motto: "If we have to ask, don't even bother answering"), 
to find undecided voters to ask questions of the candidates.  The first 
independent voter is named Jay Catsby (Photo 2, and he has a question for Lady 
on what has been determined to be the most important social issue of the 
campaign.  Mr. Catsby? 
 
Jay Catsby (reading from a notecard, in a manner copying the manner of humans 
participating in similar town hall debates, as though he is being forced to read 
a  hostage note):  Lady Emma, you have described yourself as a nap creator.  
What would you do to ensure more Pets are fully employed by naps? 
 
Lady Emma:  Yes, I am proud to say I am a Nap Creator.  Over the past four 
years, I have created over 50,000 new naps a month 
 for the six cats for whom I am proud to say I serve as Head Pet.   In my 
household at 540 Paddock Avenue, I have created an environment in which naps are 
encouraged, and we have done this by educating pets, as there is a causal 
relationship between education and sleeping, especially if you are a cat who has 
to get up early for a class after being outside all night chasing after mice. In 
my household, naps are taken in boxes, in bags, in baskets, on clean laundry, on 
dirty laundry, on couches, on seats, on rugs, on ping pong tables, behind 
televisions, in front of televisions, on counters, below counters, in sinks, in 
showers, and sometimes on beds, but only when the humans are trying to make 
them.  My opponents are Nap Killers-- they don't know how to create naps, 
because as breeds they are Working Dogs, bred for herding sheep and the like, 
and Working is antithetical to Napping.  They don't know how to create Naps, 
their proposals would crush the Middle Class of Pets, and you can't nap when you 
are being crushed.  I know, because I am a nap creator, and I often nap in my 
crate, where no stupid human can roll over onto me and crush me. 
 
Candy Crow-ly: You have two seconds to respond, Mutt Romney. 
 
Mutt Romney:  Yes, as a German Shepard, I am a working Dog, and my parents were 
Working dogs, sheep herders, and let me tell you, herding sheep is hard work, 
and it makes you tired, and when you're tired, you nap, so I know how to create 
a Nap, and .... 
 
Candy Crow-ly: (interrupting) One nap?  Lady Emma, care to respond? Mutt says he 
knows how to create a single nap. 
 
Lady Emma: For himself, sure. And his privileged kind. He can lie down in his 
sheep meadow, with the other 1% of the pets who control 99% of the sheep 
meadows, and take a nice long nap, but what about the Household Pets who don't 
have sheep meadows to lie down in? What can he do to ensure that those pets find 
naps?  I can find naps for those Pets, I am the only candidate with a  Four Paw 
Pan for creating naps.  
 
Candy Crow-ly:  Thank you Lady Emma.  Be with us tomorrow night, when Lady Emma 
will be given the opportunity to expatiate upon her Four Paw plan, and another 
independent voter, Darnell the Cat (Photo 3), will get to direct a question to 
the candidates that will once again demonstrate why Lady Emma is the only true 
choice for National Head Pet. Goodnight, and, Caw, Caw. 
 
SPONSORED BY CNN (THE CAW NEWS NETWORK, EMPLOYER OF CANDY CROW-LY)