The Official News that Pet Mistress Virginia had made the Dean's List her first semester at Loyola University was greeted by the Pets with a lot of pride. Catsby was so happy he tried to dance a jig, but regrettably his paws were locked into his "Raised Paws and Right Hind Foot" Yoga pose (Urdhva Hastasana Pussyfootmukha) (Photo 1), from which he was never able to extricate himself last night, and when he tried to dance he fell into his water bowl. Your reporter was there to photograph the incident, which was quite funny, but ominously, Catsby ordered his minions to seize the digital card in your reporter's camera, decreeing the publication of any photos ridiculing the Emperor Catsby by showing him afloat in his water bowl to be a crime against the state. Said Catsby: "L'etat c'est moi". (Actually, he said "Le Cat c'est meow") (Photo 2 is an image of Catsby that he has authorized to be published and promulgated throughout his Empire; in fact he has had a million posters printed up with this image and he has ordered them to be tacked onto every telephone pole in Storrs, East Granby, and Schenectady, as well as imprinted on the paper currency to be circulated in his Empire) Anyway, Libby was so proud of Virginia she donned a Purple Scarf. (Photo 3). Your reporter was curious about this expression of pride-- why, he asked Libby, the Purple Scarf? Libby said that in the old country, the Purple Scarf was the customary and traditonal garb worn by the unmarried female felines for formal occasions-- funerals,births,and Dean's List celebrations. Your reporter was curious about what old country Libby was talking about, since, as far as he knew, Libby came from the Meriden Humane Society Shelter, which your reporter understood was not only in the country that Libby currently resided in, but in the same city as well. Libby explained that the Meriden Shelter served as a refugee camp for felines fleeing from her native land, Weepy Eyelandia, when that country was invaded by the Pussies Republic of Snow Bengalia. Libby explained that this invasion, and the subsequent forced kitten labor camps, and the jailing of the Weepy Eyelandia dissidents, is and has become the source of her extreme antipathy towards Pharoah, Libby said she was one of the kittens forced into making crates for stolen laptops and Haka karoake machines in Snow Bengalia, until she was able to escape by sneaking out of a Dean's List Celebration and crossing in the dead of night over the border into Meriden. (The geography of this dramatic trek towards freedom is elusive to your reporter, but he is not one to stand in the way of a good story. In fact, Libby's story will be the subject of our next article in our award winning feature "Profiles in Fur-rage"). Lady Emma was very proud of Virginia, and would have baked her a cake, except she was preoccupied by the upset victory of the Pekinese over the Cocker Spaniel as Best Dog in the Westminster Kennel Show. Lady thinks the media hype over this "Pek-insanity" is too much, but of course she would think that, having bet over her head on the Cocker spaniel and having blown the money she was going to use to buy the ingredients for Virginia's cake on the Cocker Spaniel.
SPONSORED BY THE EMPEROR CATSBY'S CONGRATULATORY PROCLAMATION: "LET HER EAT CAKE-- OH THAT'S RIGHT, SHE CAN'T, BECAUSE THE STUPID DOG BLEW THE MONEY FOR THE CAKE BETTING ON ANOTHER STUPID DOG TO WIN THE DOG SHOW" (OF COURSE, IT SOUNDS BETTER IN NAPOLEONIC FRENCH--"Qu'elle manger du gâteau: Oh que le droit, qu'elle CAN'T, parce que le stupide chien a fait sauter l'argent pour le gâteau les paris sur un autre chien STUPIDE pour gagner le Dog Show"
