CPR 3-5-2012 CLASSIC CPR 10-20-2011 LADY EMMA DEMANDS RETRACTION OF FALSE DIARY ENTRIES
doubles as Justice SotoMeow's clerk, and vice president of Pharoah the Cat's
Stolen Laptop Tech Support (Motto: "We steal it, and Fix It), have threatened
the CPR with legal action for publishing yesterday's purported excerpt from Lady
Emma's Diary.Apparently the excerpt published yesterday was not in fact from
Lady Emma's Diary, but rather it was a clever forgery authored by some unknown
pet with an axe to grind,.Now it is certainly not comforting thinking of any of
the local pets brandishing axes, but the Meriden Police have been alerted, and a
toll free hot line has been set up, offering a reward if any axe swinging pets
are spotted (an angry dalmatian, perhaps?) and/or apprehended in the
neighborhood. So the following is an Official Retraction and Please Don't Sue
Me Entreaty by Roger B. Calistro, the Editor of the CPR: "On behalf of the CPR,
I would like to say we are really, really sorry we mistakenly attributed the
comments in Lady Emma's Diary to Lady Emma. We apologize to Lady Emma and all
of her sponsors and affiliates for being taken in by a clever forgery clearly
concocted by some deranged pet with an axe to grind. We should have known the
document was phony because it lacked the Seal of Lady Emma , and the Scent of
Lady Emma, and it was typed in a font that Lady Emma would never use, plus it
was delivered to our offices by a masked pet wielding an axe. It looked like
Roxy Lovely but I can't say for sure. So Lady, we are so,so very sorry
.Further, it is my understanding from speaking with Lady Emma's lawyers that
Lady Emma will accept our apology if we agree to print today her true thoughts
and opinions as expressed to her Diary today, as follows:
Dear Diary:
O happy day. This morning my dad did "veneration of the pooch" for over four
minutes! See photos ! Oh ecstasy! I love my dad. He is the best.
Your friend,
Lady Emma
The CPR vows to get to the bottom of the mystery of who actually wrote the fake
diary entry yesterday which caused Lady such distress. Lady Emma wants it to be
known that not only does she love her dad, she loves the household cats (her
constituency) and she also loves dog food. She loves dog food a lot.
Sponsored by Purina Dog Food. Lady Loves it a Lot. Or maybe it has been
Sponsored by Pharoah's Axe Sharpening, LLC (Motto: We steal it, we sharpen it,
you brandish it!)
