CPR 2-16-2012  EATING CONTROVERSY SETTLED

Tonight at Cabbage Hill, Justice Silvio Scatia finally tired of the endless 
petitions being filed by Lady Emma and her attorneys--writs of habeas corpulent 
felinus-- seeking a final decision with regard to the eating competition that 
took place in October 2011 between Jay Catsby and Pharoah. (For those 
subscribers who have only recently joined us, the CPRs on that competition and 
its legal aftermath have been downloaded to our blog,http://calistropetreport.blogspot.com/).  Rather than trusting his clerk, 
Big Mama, to write the overdue Part III of his opinion, he decided to refer the 
case to his Parajudicial Officer, Clyde, for a settlement conference.  Clyde 
immediately held a settlement conference,and, as was his practice, did not 
notify any of the parties that he was conducting the conference.  "I find it 
easier to settle the cases referred to me by Justice Scatia" Clyde said "When 
the parties are not present to argue about stuff."  Indeed, Parajudicial Officer 
Clyde's success rate in settling cases referred to him is 100% when the parties 
are not notified of the settlement conference and/or do not show up.  Photos 1 
and 2 show Clyde announcing the settlement by peering through the rails on the 
upstairs bannister and mocking the litigants who are not there.  The terms of 
the settlement were described by Clyde as follows:  " No one truly wins in life.  
At best, life is just a ball of string, which pets can unwind, and wind,  
unwind, and wind,  until the string either gets tangled up, or runs out.  In 
this matter, the string has both run out, and gotten tangled. Accordingly, the 
parties have agreed by way of settlement in absentia to forfeit all the money 
bet on the eating competition to the Court, to be split 50/50 between Justice 
Silvio Scatia and his Parajudicial Officer, me, Clyde." 

 Clyde reported this settlement to Justice Scatia, who then proceeded, as was his

 custom, to canvass the absent parties, to make sure they were entering into this

 settlement of their own free will, and that no one had forced them to accept this 

compromise. Hearing no objection from the litigants who were not there, 

Justice Scatia found that the compromise achieved was fair and just, 

and entered it as of record fromhis bed in his chambers. (Photo 3),

 Being mightily pleased, he then returned to his nap, and instructed 

his clerk Big Mama to toss into the trashcan any more 
petitions received from those pesky pets at 540 Paddock.  

  SPONSORED BY THE CAT CASH FORFEITED TO THE COURT OF JUSTICE SILVIO SCATIA BY PREVIOUS NON-PARTICIPANTS IN PARAJUDICIAL OFFICER CLYDE'S SETTLEMENT CONFERENCES