CPR 1-18-2012 DARNELL SOLICITATION OF DONATIONS FOR ILL FELINE FRIEND PROVES TO BE HOAX

 

 

Bad enough that  Darnell had gotten Daisy the Cat to invest in a “Pawnzi” Scheme 
involving a Condo in Fair Haven, and that Daisy the Cat’s hair chewing salon 
fortune had been nearly wiped out.  Now it develops that Darnell has been party 
to another scam, a hoax involving a female feline friend whom Darnell claims he 
had a relationship with up at Union, and who allegedly died from Feline Aids.   
The story goes that in January of 2012, when Darnell matriculated at Union 
College with Dominic, he met a cute Schenectady kitty cat named Jinx-y Kittkua, 
inside the Mensa Rink, during the middle of a Union-RPI hockey game, where they 
both confused a skittering puck for a black rat and chased the same into a RPI 
net. Allegedly, the relationship blossomed from there, and even as Darnell was 
receiving accolades from the Eastern Cat Athletic Conference (ECAC) for his puck 
chasing abilities for the nationally ranked Union team, he was spending hours on 
the phone with Jinx-y, plotting their  post frat house condemnation future with 
her. Then, the story goes, Jinx-y came down with Feline Aids, and when Darnell 
had to return to Meriden, he solicited funds from the other 540 Paddock pets to 
pay for Jinx-y’s veterinary bills.  Then, supposedly, Jinx-y passed, and Darnell 
hit the pets up for money to pay for Jinxy’s body to be flown to Connecticut for 
cremation at the East Side Veterinary Clinic.  Well, the hoax unraveled this 
past Tuesday, when, in passing, as Dr. Park was draining Daisy the Cat’s bladder 
as he was treating her for stress, she asked Dr. Park about Jinx-y.  It turned 
out East Side Veterinary Clinic had never handled the cremation of any cat named 
Jinx-y, and in fact, there were no records on the National Cat Cremation 
Database of any cat named Jinx-y ever having been cremated anywhere. Daisy 
reported this mysterious absence of any records concerning Jinx-y to Jay Catsby 
and Lady Emma, who put their  heads together, napped ( Photo 1)  and then 
confronted Darnell, who at first maintained that there must have been a mistake, 
and that probably Jinx-y wasn’t listed on the National Cat Cremation Database 
due to a misplaced hyphen, cancer of the hyphen being the technical cause of 
death in many cases of Feline Aids. Lady Emma and Catsby considered and napped 
on this (Photo 2) and were dubious.(Photo 3).  Then Darnell claimed that  he was 
the victim here; that  he had been duped by an imaginary cat named Jinxy, and 
that this imaginary cat had plied him with imaginary sex at a time when he was 
not fixed, and he should be pitied more than censured, as he was now fixed, and 
didn’t even have an imaginary girlfriend anymore.    As Lady Emma and Catsby 
were forced to concede the point that Darnell was fixed, they remained unsure as 
to how this controversy should best be resolved, and decided that the best thing 
for all concerned was to resume napping until the media storm blew over. 
 
SPONSORED BY THE NATIONAL CAT CREMATION DATABASE,  storing information about 
burning cats for the protection of the Pet Public and Wondering Really if isn’t 
All Just One Sick Joke.